


Ifan

by claritylore



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alien Device Fun, Angst, Doppelganger, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evil Twin Shennanigans, First Time, Insomnia, M/M, Mystery, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:34:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claritylore/pseuds/claritylore
Summary: Jack runs into an alluring stranger who bears more than a striking resemblance to a certain cute teaboy he’s been lusting after. But is Ifan really all he seems, or is Ianto playing some sort of elaborate game with him?
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness/Other(s), Mary/Toshiko Sato
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Ifan

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for: Cyberwoman, Small Worlds, Greeks Bearing Gifts, They Keep Killing Suzie
> 
> ARCHIVE NOTE: This fic was originally written back in 2007, now rescued and reposted here for safekeeping.

You know it hasn’t been a good week when you realise you love somebody, accidentally make them forget they ever knew you and then, for your grand finale, manage to shoot them.

I say it hasn’t been a good week for me, but it’s been a damned sight worse one for Ianto. After all, he’s the one who’s dying here.

And god help me, I’m responsible.

Cradling him in my arms, holding him tight, trying to will it away, I don’t know what to do. I’d never hurt Ianto. Not intentionally.

How the hell did this happen?

Ifan.

This is all because of him. God he was so beautiful when I first saw him my brain went into freefall and landed square in my pants. Which seems odd to me now because, at the time, I was convinced he was Ianto.

Ianto, dressed in clothes so tight they should have come with an 18 certificate, accentuating every curve and muscle, running around with the regulars, laughing and dancing and drinking like he hadn’t a care in the world. I was thrown by the blonded hair at first but the face and form fit completely, without question. At the time I remember wondering how the hell I never saw him come to this bar before, even if I only visit very occasionally.

The barman leaned over and told me not to bother with him; that he was a cock tease, working guys up to a frenzy and never going home with anybody. Looking over at him on the dance floor, surrounded by admirers trying to catch his attention or rub up close, I could well believe it.

For a while I just sat back and watched this guy I thought was Ianto, taking pleasure in imagining the face he would make when I finally revealed myself. When at last I did, he paused, frowning a little, then went back to chatting with his bunch of drunk airhead friends. I was half tempted to go over there and haul his ass outside, playing the annoyed boss. That would have spoiled the mood though. Instead I hung back and just kept my eyes on him.

Eventually as the night started to wind down and he came and sat by me. I got him a drink.

‘Like the coat,’ he said, with a smile, leaning back on the bar so that his shirt stretched tight over his chest. ‘You know, you’re pretty hot.’

‘I’ve been told that,’ I replied, playing along.

‘But you’re not my type so you can stop staring at me. Thanks for the drink though, mate.’ He made to walk away.

‘Didn’t you say you were working tonight?’

He stopped and looked back at me, a bit puzzled. ‘Hmm?’

‘You said you were working late before I left the Hub. Filing to do, or whatever? This doesn’t look like filing to me, Ianto.’

‘Excuse me, _filing_? Are you serious? Do I look like the sort of person who would do _filing_ on a Friday night?’

‘Come on Ianto, ‘fess up. How long have you been skipping off work to come here? Looks to me like you know quite a few of the regulars.’

He paused and stared at me, confusion turning to concern. I remember he looked almost angelic against the white lights behind him, framing a halo around him. ‘My name is Ifan. Either you’ve had too much to drink or you’ve got a case of mistaken identity. Either way, can’t help you.’ He shrugged and went back to the dance floor, joining the other men there swaying with the music. One of them greeted him and said something which made him laugh but he kept sending disturbed glances back in my direction.

As for me, I was feeling a bit strange at that point. Of course, it _had_ to be Ianto. The universe was simply not gracious enough to make two of them.

I took out my phone and called Ianto’s number. Imagine my surprise to have him pick up and answer even though Ifan was in my eyeline and certainly not on the phone. According to Ianto, he was in fact at the Hub, doing filing, just as he said he would. I think I accidentally hung up on him, I was so surprised.

Unfortunately Ifan slipped away among some of the guys he’d been chatting to so I didn’t get to ask him anything else. The barman told me he was in almost every night though, so I decided I would come back the next night and get some more information on this mysterious doppelganger.

Since we had a problem with the Weevils I didn’t get to go back for a few nights. In the interim I asked Ianto about his family; specifically whether he had any brothers or, you know, either long lost or evil twins. He told me he was an only child and there was nobody in his family called Ifan anyway. I didn’t tell him why I was asking and Ianto, perfect employee that he is, didn’t ask. But he seemed to appreciate my just casually chatting to him at least. I hadn’t done that in a while. Truth be told I was still feeling pretty nervy around him because first of all, what happened to Lisa drove a huge wedge between us that just made civility impossible for a while there, and then my losing Estelle made it even harder, since he’s always reminded me of her a little in the way he’s so caring and attentive to my needs. Lately he had been distant to the point of being robotic so it was nice to speak, even just for a few minutes, even about nothing I could elaborate on.

Anyway, I saw Ifan again two nights later. He saw me at the bar again and this time seemed aware of me all evening. It wasn’t surprising since I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. It was no stretch to say that he was beautiful; just made for tight, revealing clothes. He kind of had the body of a dancer, which had me playing all kinds of scenarios along those lines in my mind, let me tell you.

He surprised me by slipping from view and suddenly sneaking over.

‘I’ll do some filing for you if you buy me a drink,’ he said by way of greeting, blatantly flirting and doing a damned good job of it.

‘I hope that’s a euphemism,’ I remarked before ordering him whatever he wanted, for the rest of all eternity. Hell I had enough money for it.

He seemed to like that, knocking back his first Snakebite as if it were water and ordering another.

‘I should take it easy there or this night won’t last too long for you,’ I suggested.

The second one was drunk down just as fast and finished with a grin. ‘I don’t get drunk. So you’re going to live to regret that drinks for eternity line, even if it was cute.’ A hand brushed against my thigh, deliberately of course, and nearly stopped my heart. ‘So tell me Jack, you cleared up that case of mistaken identity yet?’

I remember wondering, for a split second there, if perhaps Ianto was playing a game with me after all. I got a cold feeling in my stomach. ‘How did you know my name?’

‘You told me it.’

‘No I didn’t.’ I knew that much for a fact.

‘Must have been a lucky guess then. You look like a Jack. Actually, funnily enough, I had a dream about you.’ He leaned in closer, sweet breath brushing on my nose, somehow making me forget all of my doubts. ‘It was a nice dream.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘Just you and me, all alone.’

‘Really?’

‘Yep. You were a right bastard.’ Ifan grinned and leaned back, away. I realised I was being completely played. But damn I was enjoying it.

‘Guess you don’t know me after all.’

‘Oh no?’ He ordered yet another drink. ‘Let me guess, you’re really just a sweet and sensitive soul. That “I’m a bastard” smile you wear is just for the innocent young things you try to pick up in bars?’

‘It’s just for the ones I succeed with. So yeah, all of them I guess.’

He raised his eyebrows and smiled. He looked so much like Ianto at that point it damn near took my breath away.

‘You can save it tonight then,’ he said, smugly. ‘I’m not interested.’

‘I’m gutted. So what would it take to change your mind?’

Ifan won me completely over with his answer. After all, there was not a man, woman or vegetable alive who hadn’t been bowled over and laid flat out on the floor after a dance with me. I threw my coat over the bar and let him lead me to the dance floor by the braces. Then I set the room alight and took him right along for the ride. Hell we practically _fucked_ on that dance floor we were so damned hot together.

Afterwards he manhandled me to one of the booths and stuck his tongue down my throat. His hands seemed to be everywhere, all at once, pinching and pulling and caressing at once. Pretty rough handling. Very very enjoyable.

Yet for some reason all I could think of was Ianto. I wondered if this was what it would be like to kiss him (and for him to be active in that kiss this time). Ashamed as I am to admit it, when I was stroking my hands over Ifan in my mind’s eye it wasn’t him I was touching. I suppose that makes sense knowing what I know now.

To be honest I think I lost some time there, just completely smothered in the pleasure of it all. Next thing I remember is Ifan running off. He didn’t really give me much of an excuse. Just said he’d see me another time and left.

Cock-tease was about right. I had to limp back to the Hub that night I was so hard, and it didn’t help finding Ianto still there sorting out something on the computers. Seeing him so wound up and pale snapped me out of it. I went over to him to check he was alright. He gave me a smile and a nod, and then threw up all over my shoes.

Why the idiot was working through the night when he was clearly not feeling well, I just couldn’t understand. I sent him home.

And guess what? He was back by dawn. Fool for a pretty face that I am, I let him stay. But I made Gwen stick close to him when she arrived in though to make sure he was alright (she never wore pretty shoes anyway). Her orders were to let him to do a bit and then use her persuasive powers to make him go home for longer than a few hours.

She didn’t succeed. I found him doing tax returns by the time evening came round.

I would have stopped and escorted him off the premises if I hadn’t have been so eager to go out again and find Ifan.

By that time I was pretty intoxicated by him, I don’t mind saying. He popped up again on and off over the next few days, and each time we’d dance and drink and kiss until my lips were numb. But he’d never let me go further and always disappeared just when it was getting to the good part. He was killing me. And I was captivated.

Then one night, about a week and a half after we first met, I heard the sounds of fighting going on down the side alley by the bar and found Ifan in a fist-fight with two thugs. It looked like they were winning. Of course I swept in and pulled my Batman routine, knocking the pair of them out with relative ease.

This is probably my most endearing memory of Ifan. It was raining. His hair was stuck to his forehead and his clothes were tight like a wetsuit. He laughed and pulled me close. He kissed me then, gentler than ever before, and grabbed my hand to lead me away at a jogging pace through the darkened streets of Cardiff.

We ended up at some motel, which looked pretty well-to-do but had a lot of vacancies. Ifan was making no bones about being all over me no matter what the guy on the desk seemed to think of it.

I was the one paying, of course. Ifan never seemed to pay for anything. Wasn’t his style.

When we got to our room he did slow down a little, thankfully. By this time I was wondering if this was a good idea. I’m not a complete bastard, I do think things through sometimes, and at that point I was thinking that sleeping with Ianto’s twin would be a Very Bad Thing. It wouldn’t be fair on Ianto because I’d be thinking about it every time I saw him, and it wouldn’t be fair on Ifan because I wouldn’t be thinking about him at all.

Funny the things you realise when somebody throws up on your shoes. I realised when Ianto ruined them and I felt nothing but concern for him that I was so far gone I was off the deep end, scary as that is. Certainly I’ve always fancied him and I flirted with him outrageously in the old days. But I never imagined it had gone so far for me until he turned out to be keeping a fucking Cyberman, or woman, or whatever the hell it was, in the basement. I seriously lost my mind there for a bit. Never felt such rage and betrayal before, not even when I was stuck on that fucking space station, waiting and waiting and waiting only to realise that nobody was coming back for me.

Afterwards I knew why his betrayal had hurt so much more than Toshiko inviting Mary into the base, or Gwen sneaking Suzie out of it, but I didn’t want to admit it. It was easier just to close that chapter off and try to forget about it. The thing which really kickstarted all of this was Estelle and her death. I felt the cold hand of death tap me on the shoulder and give me the middle finger once more, and my thoughts turned once again to the lovely Welshman in my midst. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. After all that shit went down, he no longer wanted to know me.

Talk about bad fucking timing for a revelation.

Ignorance is not the bliss of legend; not the cure, as my deep attraction to Ifan proved to me. I knew that sleeping with him would only fan the flames and make things ten times worse, even if, god, I wanted him so bad I could taste it.

When I explained, or at least tried to explain, about Ianto and the complex nature of our friendship, Ifan grew very silent. He sort of lay back on the bed, looking at me with an expression I couldn’t quite place. Finally he said something which felt like an anvil being on my head. ‘It must be nice to love somebody like that.’

I remember trying to protest over that conclusion and stumbling over my words. Not a lot came out.

‘People don’t fall in love with guys like me,’ he continued. ‘They like the dependable, hard working providers of the world. I’m everything hateful by comparison.’ He stretched out his hand and I took with without thinking, falling comfortably beside him on the bed. ‘Everything that was ever wrong with a person, that’s me.’ Yet he was still smiling a little saying this. ‘I like the sound of this Ianto though. He seems like a nice guy.’

‘Nice? I wouldn’t say ‘nice’. That’s so bland it sounds like an insult. He’s...’ There just wasn’t a word. Even if I knew the death of Lisa had driven a wedge between us I honestly couldn’t see a way past, ever, he was still usually the first thought I had in the mornings; still the fantasy fodder of choice for my right hand during desperate times.

Ifan really leaned into me then; so close all I could breathe in was scent his skin, which only reminded me of Ianto yet again.

For some reason I had the strangest urge to just give it all up, there and then; to tell Ifan everything. I wanted to spill my guts.

The purple curtains and dirty netting were billowing in and out, gently with the night breeze coming in, and the room was dark enough for the difference in hair colour to be rendered invisible. He was almost like an apparition, sent to tease me by dragging up everything I had thought would be mine one day when the flirting took its natural course ahead, but never was and never could be now.

My eyes fell on my coat, which was draped unceremoniously over the back of the chair. I always kept some of my Retcon-mix amnesia pills in the inside pocket, just in case I said too much, or _did_ too much.... It did happen sometimes.

‘Ianto is dangerous,’ I told him, and surprised myself since I hadn’t really expected to come out with that. ‘He’s dangerous to me, to himself and to everyone around him, but he keeps it all tightly contained. You’d never know it to look at him. The fact is, he can run rings around any of us. I mean, he’s the first guy ever to con me so completely and have me utterly fooled all the way, and I happen to know a thing or two about conning people. He played me for a sucker and I never saw it coming. Then afterwards, I told myself I was keeping him around because, well, when you meet a guy like that, you make damned sure he’s going to be on your side if trouble comes calling.’

‘That wasn’t the reason, was it?’ Ifan asked, voice kept low and gently lilting.

‘He... he reminded me of someone I once loved, all the way, for real. Or, I suppose, the way we interacted reminds me of that. He was always just there, looking after me, caring for me, watching out for me as if he really did have his heart in it; or at least he was before. He’s different now he hates me.’

‘He hates you and you love him. That’s almost Shakespearean.’

That made me snort. ‘I suppose it is. Only I can’t figure out if this is supposed to be a comedy or a tragedy.’

‘All the world’s a stage… yadda yadda.’ A little roll and he was flat on top of me, chest to chest, smiling and wriggling. ‘Fancy a fuck?’

‘Direct, I’ll give you that,’ I said, bemused how we’d managed to go from a heart to heart to that in one second flat. ‘Ifan,’ I had to hold him still to get this out, ‘I don’t think this is a good idea.’

‘Yeah, yeah, you’re feeling bad because you’ll be thinking about this Ianto guy. It wouldn’t be fair on me - and all the other clichés you could say right now. Save it. Do I look like I care?’ He lashed at my lips with his tongue, making so many sweet promises with that act I wanted to burst. ‘Actually… you know what I’d like?’ His voice was reduced to a whisper. ‘You’re the sort of guy I know I could fall for, Jack. But as I told you before, people don’t fall for guys like me. So would you do me a favour and call me Ianto, tonight?’

‘What?’

‘Treat me as you would treat him. Tell me everything. And… love me.’

As far as I know I didn’t actually agree to do that. Not until I was buried balls deep inside him, bending him into position after position and clinging on for dear life, having epiphanies with every thrust. Then it was if he was Ianto; just as I always wanted him and had always, if I’m honest, expected to have him sooner or later. He said he didn’t hate me and I was truly lost in the moment. I told him everything I would never dare say to him for real; that I wasn’t and never would be sorry for him losing Lisa because he was mine and mine alone, but that I _was_ sorry for the woman he had loved and for making his hurt so much worse; that I wasn’t and never would be sorry for the way I reacted to his betrayal, but that I _was_ sorry for destroying our friendship. All the little contrary emotions that made no sense, not really, but were all there inside me at the same time. Somewhere along the way I told him all about Torchwood as well, in the context of how much I hated what it did to people; taking everything away from them; from _me_. I just needed to ramble everything out. I don’t think I was all that coherent.

Finally, he leaned back in my arms, moaning and gasping and saying all the right things. He told me that wanted me and always had; that he had never meant to betray me but had been desperate; that he was mine and always would be.

We definitely cracked open a new rift in time and space with the explosion of lights that came as a result of it all. I left my body for a few seconds and couldn’t stop kissing him when I got back; neck, shoulder, anywhere I could reach.

‘So,’ Ifan said, breathlessly, chuckling, ‘you fight aliens _and_ you’re good in bed? I’m in love.’

My heart just utterly plummeted in my chest when he said that. Because the fantasy shattered and I realised that I had backed myself into a corner despite all effort not to. I knew what I had to do. Holding him close though I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to give up someone who might just understand.

For some reason I thought of Toshiko at that moment, and what I said to her when she told me just how much she had told that psychotic alien Mary about Torchwood. And I thought of Suzie and what she had done to Max; confessed herself to him every week before making him forget (leaving aside the whole Evil Master Plan aspect of that). At the time I couldn’t fathom why they did it. Secrets aren’t that hard to keep, or at least I thought they weren’t.

I had remembered why they needed to be kept too late in this case. And no matter how much I wanted this to continue I knew that our time had well and truly come to an end.

So went to the bathroom and got a glass of water, dropped a bunch of the pills into it while he lay back and talked about nothing in particular, half falling asleep. I had him drink it and laid him down, waiting for him to drift off. As his eyes began to slide closed I whispered into his ear, ‘Forget me, forget Torchwood, forget everything I ever told you,’ and fled like a thief in the night.

I wandered the streets for a while, feeling sick with myself. I could smell him on my skin, in my clothes, and all around me. And he smelled exactly like Ianto to me. Of course it had been a mistake; all of it. I never should have gone near him in the first place. Not even for some harmless fun.

Eventually I had the presence of mind to stumble back to the Hub. It was around midnight by that time I got there. All of the alarms were sounding off and when I went to the computers to get it switched off, they were locked out and flashing up a warnings. I had to use my personal emergency override code to shut it up. The pterodactyl was going crazy as well, circling around the roof and shitting all over the place, but I wasn’t about to address that problem myself (there are some perks to being Boss and not cleaning up dinosaur crap is definitely one of them).

‘Ianto?’ I yelled, assuming he’d be the only one there as usual. ‘Ianto?’

‘Yes?’

I spun around but couldn’t find him at first. Then he crawled out from underneath one of the desks.

‘Uh… what were you doing under there?’

He pointed tentatively skywards, eyes wide. ‘There’s a… a dinosaur.’

The pterodactyl chose that moment to shriek and he started, apparently resisting the urge to crawl back under the desk.

‘So? What the hell was with the five alarm drill? All of Cardiff must know we’re under here by now.’

‘I was trying to access the computers. The… door has jail bars.’ He frowned at me and shrank back a little as I approached him.

Obviously something was wrong. ‘What’s up?’ I asked, and then noticed that his lip was split. ‘Your lip…?’

‘Oh I… I don’t know about that.’ He touched it, and looked at me blankly for a moment. ‘Can I ask you a question?’

‘Of course?’

‘Where are we?’

I half began to chuckle until I realised he was being serious. ‘Are you feeling alright?’

‘Not really. I… I have no idea who you are.’ Only Ianto Jones could make that sound so bland when he was patently terrified. I realised he was shaking a little. ‘You seem to know me though, so I’ll assume you might be able to tell me where exactly we are and how I got here.’

It wasn’t until I sat him down on the in the social area, out of the way of the diarrhoetic pterodactyl, and started to think about what to say that a cold chill passed down my spine. When the realisation hit me, I could do nothing but stare at him, numbed. He just looked back, all wide eyes and innocence.

‘Ifan?’ I breathed.

My mind began to race. I couldn’t figure out how he’d done it. It shouldn’t have been possible; I spoke to Ianto over the phone before. The hair was different. The damned sideburns were different. It _couldn’t_ have been him. I was desperate to believe that. The alternative was too terrible.

But I couldn’t think of any other explanation.

‘It was you all along,’ I growled at him, remembering all of the deep dark secrets I had let go; terrible things I could never tell Ianto for a reason.

I couldn’t help it what happened next. I saw red. I knew that, logically, I should start trying to get his memory jolted as soon as possible, but logic was no longer part of my repertoire at that point. I hauled him down to the cells and threw him in next door to the Weevil. This made him pretty unhappy but I really didn’t care. I was absolutely livid.

Of course now I know that I was wrong. Hindsight is, as they say, twenty twenty. I should have thought it through better at the time. Not stormed off and left him there while I brooded.

I checked in on him about an hour later, expecting him to be asleep. He was sitting in the corner, curled up, looking utterly miserable.

‘Remember me yet?’ I asked.

‘Yes. You’re the Marquis de Sade.’

‘Close.’ At least his dry sense of humour was in tact. ‘Okay, tell me the last thing you remember?’

‘Um,’ he frowned, rubbing his forehead, ‘it’s a bit of a blur. I’m uh… I work for the Ministry of Defence.’

‘As?’

‘Diary Secretary to the Permanent Under-Secretary.’

I thought back hard and remembered that being on of his CV when he applied to work at Torchwood Three. Though that had to have been five or six years ago. At the time he had broken the records by being the youngest person to ever be appointed diary secretary to such a senior Civil Servant. He had had a bright future. Then he caught somebody’s eye and was headhunted for Torchwood One…

Obviously the Retcon had done its job well; erasing everything I told it to erase. _Forget me, forget Torchwood, forget everything I ever told you._ Real smart.

Remembering all of that made me angry again. I thought of what it had been like to make love to him, to taste him and hold him, so certain he was somebody else and momentarily made happy by that. There were simply no words to describe the mixture of anger and disgust tying my stomach in knots.

He seemed to sense my change in mood and grew wary of me again. ‘Look, I’m sorry, but I really don’t know who you are or where I am,’ he said, getting angry himself. ‘Is this some sort of prison?’

‘Feels that way some days.’

‘You’ve got a pterodactyl and a… whatever the hell the thing in the next cell is. Now are you going to tell me what’s going on here or not?’ A thought struck him. ‘Are you CIA?’

That quirked my eyebrow.

‘If you are, you’ve made a mistake kidnapping me. I wouldn’t tell you anything even if I knew anything of significance. And by the way, it’s pretty stupid of you to think that nobody would notice my disappearance…’

‘Hold up, Ianto. I’m not CIA and I haven’t kidnapped you. I’m your boss. You have amnesia. You haven’t been a diary secretary for a fair few years now.’

‘Amnesia?’ he repeated, incredulously.

‘Pills. You tricked me and I ended up giving you memory loss pills that were intended for… that weren’t intended for you.’

That seemed to unsettle him a bit. ‘I’m not in the habit of tricking people. Especially not people I work for.’

‘Well who knows what was going through your head,’ I snarled. ‘Either way, this is your own fault.’

‘Okay. Assuming you’re telling me the truth, will I ever remember?’

I shrugged. ‘Good question. I gave you a big dose.’ _And a specific memory-wiping suggestion as well. Fuckety fuck._ ‘Some remember when something specific jolts their memory.’

I thought of Gwen at that point and how she’d overcome the same effects once and, right on cue, that’s when the phone on the wall nearby started to ring. It was her.

She asked me why none of the codes to get into the base were working, and I realised that the emergency drill had automatically caused everybody’s numbers to change as a temporary security measure. That was something I’d forgotten to impart to her since it was so unlikely someone would ever screw the computers up enough for it ever to happen. I told her to enter the numbers in one digit forwards and one digit backwards in an alternating pattern and hung up.

It was only a minute or two later, when I was on my way back up to the Hub, that I realised how odd it was that Gwen was apparently coming in to work at one o’clock in the morning.

When I got there she was hanging around by the door, looking grimly at the pile of pterodactyl shit on the floor a few metres in front of her.

‘What are you doing here?’ I didn’t mean to sound so brusque that she started, but couldn’t help it.

‘Uh, Ianto called.’

That stopped me in my tracks. ‘He did?’

‘Yeah. Said he was locked out of the base,’ she gave me a cute smile. ‘You lent him your mobile, so we couldn’t reach you that way. And since he said he couldn’t get hold of you on the landline either we thought you must be out. So he asked me to come by and see if my code was working. What happened here? Why the number change?’

‘We had an alert. Uh, sorry, did you say I gave Ianto my mobile?’

She nodded and frowned. ‘Jack, what’s wrong?’

Again I had that weird sensation of freefalling, as though staring at a puzzle whose pieces were not quite fitting together. I rushed up the steps and went to my office to check my coat. Sure enough, my mobile phone was not in its usual pocket.

Since I knew I had it when I left the Hub, and there was only one time I was apart from my coat the whole evening… where it had gone was obvious. Ifan, or rather Ianto, had obviously swiped it when I was in the bathroom of that motel getting some water. Or maybe even before.

The thought struck me then that perhaps, somehow, he’d switched the pills there and the whole “amnesia” episode was some kind of act and he’d called Gwen whilst down in the cell. Why he’d be going to such elaborate lengths I just couldn’t fathom. Not a whole lot was making sense to me at that point.

So I told Gwen to stay put and guard the exits while I ran off back to the elevator and returned down to the cell area.

Ianto was gone.

Running back up in the hopes of catching him, I found Gwen out cold on the floor and the vault door and security cage both left wide open.

After quickly making sure that she was breathing, I ran out just in time to see her car moving off in the distance. I won’t repeat the words which tumbled out of my mouth at that point.

As I ran back inside to tend to Gwen, I reflected with some disbelief that Ianto was capable of this. It had to be some sort of revenge for Lisa; there was no other explanation for this insanity. By god it hurt though. To think he hated me this much; enough to string me along just far enough to make me let go and make a fool of myself. I could hardly believe it.

I laid her down on the couch and checked the cut on her forehead. It wasn’t too bad but it was going to hurt for a while. She groaned, awake but apparently wishing she wasn’t.

‘I’m sorry… he just walked right up to me and whacked me with his gun. Didn’t give even me time to step back.’ She sat up and winced. ‘Who was he?’

‘Who was who?’ I dabbed at her forehead with my handkerchief.

‘The… ow!’

‘Sorry.’

‘The one who called me. Is Ianto a twin? He never mentioned it.

It took a few seconds for me to realise that I had stopped breathing. I had to gasp for air when I noticed. ‘What?’ I croaked.

She looked at me through squinted eyes, clearly trying to get a grip on her thoughts. ‘The one who called me,’ she repeated. ‘The one who was waiting outside for me and… and who asked me to use my code. The blonde one. He said he’d had his hair done. I thought it suited him.’

‘Are you sure that wasn’t Ianto?’ I asked, gripping her by the forearms. ‘I mean, did you see them together?’

‘Uh yeah. They came out of the lift together.’ Gwen looked completely puzzled and still only halfway to consciousness. ‘He just came straight at me without saying so much as a word.’ She groaned. ‘Bastard.’

The phone on Tosh’s desk began to ring. I looked around, feeling a chill down my spine.

‘Ifan?’ I asked, too quickly.

‘Who else?’ He sounded like Ianto except with a harder edge to his voice. The sound of engines and traffic could be heard on the line. ‘Sorry I stole your phone but, hey, you can’t say I didn’t warn you about me. I did. More than once.’

‘Who the fuck are you?’ I flicked on the computers and set about doing a trace on Gwen’s car. Since it immediately came up as inanimate, I switched to doing a phone trace over the satellites.

‘I didn’t know myself till you tried to memory wipe me. Nice move Romeo. Not a very Shakespearean ending, was it? Either way, somehow it had the opposite effect on me. I remembered things. Hey, you want to know what came first and foremost, Jack? Lisa.’ His tone grew breathy and a bit distorted, as if he was holding the phone closer to his mouth. ‘I remembered how you never even gave her a chance. Not even when he asked for your help. Sure, the thing she became deserved to die in the end. I saw that. I know that. But would it really have hurt you so much just to have _tried_ to help her before it went that far? Hmm? Did you really have to hold a gun to his head and threaten to execute him if he didn’t destroy her; her, the only person in the world who ever cared about him beyond his fucking ability to tidy up.’

‘So I take it you’re him. Somehow.’ My mind was busy trying to categorise all of the alien junk we have lying around the base, wondering if there was something in there that had summoned some kind of alternate Ianto into being or something like that.

‘Hell no! I mean come on, he’s pathetic. Probably couldn’t get a hard on if he tried. Wuss.’

‘Then I’ll ask you one more time. Who are you? And give me a straight answer.’

‘It was fun while it lasted, loverboy,’ he continued, ignoring my question. ‘Under different circumstances, I might have invited you along for this little joyride. I wasn’t lying about the fact that you’re good in bed. Actually, I wasn’t lying when I told you you’re the sort of man I could quite easily fall for. And that’s just the problem.’ He paused, muttering something aside which came across as inaudible. ‘Don’t worry, you won’t be hearing from either of us again, babe. Ianto and I are rolling off into the sunset, aren’t we pretty boy?’

‘Let me talk to him.’

Ifan snorted. ‘Aw don’t you like talking to me, Jacky? I seem to recall you loved talking to me before. Quite the chatterbox. “Oooh Ianto you know I’m sorry for shooting your girlfriend, but I might sort of possibly kind of love you and I hate how that makes me feel” yadda yadda. Vomit.’

I could feel rage boiling up inside me but managed to hold it off by reminding myself of all the things he said at the time. He had meant it all, I knew it. He was trying to wind me up because he was now angry at me for what happened to Lisa. Just like Ianto. ‘I was only keeping you sweet. You know that, babe.’

He chuckled. ‘Sure. Oh by the way, I wouldn’t bother tracing the car. Got rid of the tracker already. And as for the mobile, as soon as our little goodbye chat ends it’s going out of the window.’

I beckoned Gwen over and opened a notepad file in the corner of the screen, typing with one hand:

GOIN NEAR OWENS PLACE. CALL ON UR MOB. FEED COORDS N TELL TO FOLLOW. QUICK

She stepped back and hurried to do as I asked.

‘Why are you doing this? Why did you want to get into the base?’

‘I would have thought that was obvious. Wanted to pick up my dear doppelganger here for this little trip out of your life.’

‘Oh yeah? What, is that supposed to be some sort of punishment? You’re pissed off over that fucking cyberman and you think that spiriting Ianto away is going to punish me?’

‘That would be a bit clichéd don’t you think?’ he replied with flair. I could tell he was having a ball doing this; playing the villain. ‘Though I could see the reasoning there. A love for a love. Actually, I like that idea. What the hell, call that part of the plan. It’s not the only reason though.’

‘No? What might the other reason be?’ I checked aside to Gwen. She was hurrying Owen along out of his place, quietly. Relief swept over me. First of all, Owen was home for once. That was lucky. Then there was the fact that his sports car beat Gwen’s Fiat hands down in the engine stakes. There was every chance he’d be able to play catch up, if he could just keep Ifan talking long enough to keep tracing his movements.

‘How about because I’d like to try some kinky twin sex?’

‘Stop it, you’re gonna make me drool.’ I played along even if flirting was the last thing I felt like doing to this guy.

Ifan laughed. ‘I knew there was a reason I’m going to miss you. Pity things have to play out this way. But an evil twin’s got to do what an evil twin’s got to do, I suppose.’

‘Why does it have to play out this way? I mean, come on, there’s no reason for you to end it like this. Just come back and we’ll sort this out.’

‘Sorry, babe, no kinky twin sex for you. See I know all the reasons Ianto hated you and well, suddenly you’re not quite as appealing to me. Should have gone with my gut instincts when we first met. You’re a fucking bastard and I despise you, and at the same time I’m so attracted to you I can hardly think straight most days. That goes for coffee boy over here as well. Not that he’d ever develop enough spine to act on it.’

I looked to Gwen again and felt a little comforted to see her reading off street names from the computer screen, directing Owen. He was on the road at least. ‘You seem to have quite an insight into Ianto’s mind,’ I said, still pushing to keep him talking. ‘Care to share why that is?’

‘I would have that it was obvious, Jack.’

‘Enlighten me.’

‘Okay. Sure, why not? Tell me Jack, have you noticed anything weird with Ianto over say, oh, the last month? Doing a lot of work? Never leaving the base? Did none of you notice that he hasn’t slept for four weeks straight?’

I honestly couldn’t say that I had noticed anything like that. I’ll admit it; that made me feel like shit. Ianto takes very good care of me but I know that it’s rarely reciprocal. ‘That’s not possible.’

‘You should know by now that anything’s possible when it comes to being part of the weird and wacky world of Torchwood. Now see, that’s where I come in. The brain needs sleep. Even you, Mr. Insomnia 2007, knows that. Dreaming is an essential function. There has to be an outlet.’

‘So what, you’re just Ianto’s bad dream?’

‘I wouldn’t say it was all bad. Would you, Jack?’

He could just imagine the face Ifan was making at that moment; pouty and mock annoyed, with a slight smile curving at the corner of lips. Beautiful and deadly.

‘I’m Ianto how he used to be before fucking Torchwood and fucking Lisa. I’m dressed in clothes he hasn’t worn in years, occupying an apartment he never goes home to and enjoying myself in ways he doesn’t feel he deserves to.’ Ifan laughed, bitterly. ‘Now thanks to you he doesn’t even remember the stupid little empty shell of a wreck he is. Talk about pathetic. You’ve really done quite the number of him, Jack. Then it’s not all that unusual for you is it? You do have this habit of hurting the ones you love.’

I knew those words were designed to wound and fought off my reaction for that. It didn’t work; it still shot straight through my chest with all the bluntness of an arrow. Mostly because it was true.

‘You know, I think I’ve had enough of chatting for now,’ he said, abruptly, voice stone cold. ‘Anything you’d like to say to us before we bid you goodnight and farewell?’

‘Hold up, you still haven’t told me everything. Like what made you real if you’re just some kind of dream figure?’

‘Nothing you’d like to say? Not even goodbye? Fine. Good night, sweet Captain. And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. Or better yet, see you in hell.’

‘Don’t…’

He hung up.

The signal being traced on the screen went still. I spun around towards Gwen and she gave me a nod. ‘He caught up.’

‘Good. Let’s go.’

I grabbed her and we made a run for the SUV. If nothing else, at least now we could track Owen’s car and try to play catch up that way.

After putting him on speakerphone, I explained to Owen that Ianto had been kidnapped by a figment of his own imagination. To his credit, he took it in his stride. Meanwhile Gwen busied herself figuring out any shortcuts we could take to make up the lost distance and helped cut off a few corners.

It was about forty minutes before Ifan stopped on the wayside of a poorly lit country road leading out east from Cardiff, and Owen had had to overtake and covertly offroad his car just out of sight. He waited for them to get back on the road for a few minutes, providing a running commentary about how stupid this was. Then there was a muffled yell and his phone suddenly went off.

I got a bad feeling immediately and put my foot down. At least out of the city there was less chance of being picked up for speeding. Thanks to Gwen we had really made up time and were only about five minutes away. It was an agonising five minutes nonetheless.

Ifan was Ianto, but an Ianto with no real sense of boundaries, and it’s no secret that of everyone on the team, Ianto gets on the least well with Owen. Obviously Ifan had wised up to the fact that he was being followed. I knew he’d have easily overpower Owen, being easily the stronger by virtue of height alone. I just didn’t know what he’d do to him; throw him in the back and continue the journey even if he got on his nerves or beat the shit out of him right there and then continue on. It really was a toss up.

As it happens, Gwen’s car was still parked up and we screeched to a halt right behind it, blocking it from reversing onto the road just in case. I could see Ifan on the field by the side of the road from the headlights. Then I saw Owen at his feet and Ianto, hands tied behind his back and trussed to the bumper of the front wheel of the Fiat.

So, knocking the shit out of Owen it was then.

‘Ifan!’ I yelled, rolling right out of the SUV with my gun in my hand.

He grabbed spun around to me, grinning manically. ‘Thought I might as well land a punch or two on this little cocksucker while I had the chance. And an alibi. And an excuse.’ He crouched down quickly and pulled Owen to his feet, simultaneously grabbing the gun from the man’s belt and pressing it to his neck. ‘You caught us up pretty fast.’

‘I was motivated.’ A quick glance aside told me Gwen had untied Ianto and was helping him to his feet. At least he was nearer to us than to Ifan; that was something at least. ‘Let Owen go.’

‘Send Ianto over and I will.’

‘How about this? You let him go and _I’ll_ go with you.’

‘Such an ego,’ he scoffed. ‘I don’t want you. I want Ianto.’

‘Because you don’t exist without him, right?’

‘My existence is beyond his control. That doesn’t mean I don’t want a little insurance though.’ He shrugged and pressed his gun against Owen a little harder, making him wince. ‘Come on Jack, you know I’ll do it. In fact, few things would give me greater pleasure that pulling this trigger. Send him over now and I’ll send Owen over to you.’

‘Then what? You keep on driving? We forget we ever knew you?’

‘Something like that.’ He smiled. ‘I’ll count to three, shall I? One… two…’

‘Alright!’ I barked. ‘Fuck.’ I grabbed Ianto, roughly, ignoring the look Gwen gave me, and threw him towards Ifan

‘Thanks.’ He pushed Owen over.

I saw a window; one I wish I hadn’t taken now, but one I know I would always have taken given the choice.

Ifan was open and Ianto far enough away to get a shot in. And I took it.

You know it hasn’t been a good week when you realise you love somebody, accidentally make them forget they ever knew you and then, for your grand finale, manage to shoot them.

The bullet hit Ifan in the stomach but he wasn’t the one who recoiled from it. Ianto let out a pained gasp and fell down onto the grass, almost in slow motion.

My gun slid from my hands and fell. I ran to Ianto and pulled him into my arms, Ifan’s terrible laughter ringing in my ears.

‘Ooops,’ he said, sniggering, something insane sparking in his mind. ‘Didn’t mean to do that, did you Jack? You can’t hurt a dream, brainiac.’

Cradling him in my arms, holding him tight, trying to will it away, I don’t know what to do. I’d never hurt Ianto. Not intentionally.

He is looking up at me, eyes wide and shining with tears, clinging on. I see blood on his lips.

Ifan keeps laughing.

I lie him down, frantically, vaguely aware of Gwen trying to help beside me and flailing just as much. I spread his jacket and literally rip open his shirt. The bullet wound is roughly at appendix level and I put my hands over it, desperately trying to stop the blood draining out of him.

Something glinting in the headlight beams catches my eye. He’s wearing a pendant; a large red crystal of some kind on a gold chain. It is glowing from inside.

A fleeting memory of Toshiko’s pendant makes everything suddenly fall into place.

Immediately I grab it and snap it in half. There is a blast of something like energy from it and a swirling cloud of red powder spreads around us.

Ifan chokes and gasps, hand going to his stomach. His lip is split and now, suddenly, he’s the one bleeding. He drops to his knees, staring at me with wide open eyes.

As the embers of light emanating from inside the crystal die away in my hands, Ifan fades away.

Ianto coughs and starts to struggle in my arms. I remove my hand from his stomach and find that the wound is gone. I hold him so tightly we’re practically welded together and I feel his fingers curl into the hair at the nape of my neck. He holds on for a few seconds, repeating my name under his breath like a litany before slowly losing consciousness.

After getting a pretty pissed-off Owen to give him a quick check over, Gwen helps me put him into back of the SUV and takes a blanket from the boot of her car to spread over him. She takes her own car home. Owen does the same. They both look exhausted.

I tell them I’m going back to the base. I actually end up at Ianto’s apartment, having had to actually check the onboard computer to find out where it is, as shameful as that is. I carry him in, still wrapped in the blanket, his head resting on my shoulder as if it belongs there, and place him down on his bed. I want to wake him up and get him out of his bloodied clothes. It just doesn’t seem right to do that if, as Ifan claimed, he really hasn’t slept in a month.

So I just remove his shoes and make him comfortable.

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, I roam the place. It looks barely lived in. However, in the wardrobe, pushed into the corner for all of the suits, there are clothes that I recognise as belonging to Ifan. It makes me ache inside for some reason.

There are few pictures in the apartment, but of those on display, there are none so poignant as the one I find of Ianto, Lisa and a whole group of friends in what I recognise as an office space of Torchwood One, all laughing and huddled together like a cosy unit. I realise in that moment that, he didn’t just lose her, he lost everyone he’d known there; all his friends too. His whole life really.

Ianto doesn’t sleep too easy, even if he never quite wakes up. I spend almost the whole night just sitting in the chair by the door of his bedroom, watching him. Then, as light begins to flicker through the blinds, when he shows signs of stirring, I stay just long enough to ask a few questions in order to be sure he knows who he is and where he is. Then I leave.

I go back to the base and get to work cleaning up the pterodactyl shit. Sure, as Boss I don’t _need_ to do it, but that doesn’t mean I have to dump everything on his shoulders. If I’m to learn anything from what Ifan told me that lesson seems like a good place to start.

Although I give Owen and Gwen the day off to recover he still comes in, granted a little later than usual, yet still looking immaculate in a snappy pinstripe suit with matching waistcoat. I catch sight of him chatting with Toshiko and feel a strange sadness in my chest. I flee back into my office, not sure if I really want to have to talk to him today.

A few minutes later there is a faint knock on the door and he enters, before I even make invitation for him to do so.

He looks at me for what seems like a while, expression strange; I don’t know what to make of this. One of us has to speak but I’ll be damned if I know what to say.

Suddenly, he moves around the desk, lifts me out of my chair by the braces and kisses me. It’s soft and gentle; nothing like the eager roughness of Ifan’s hungry touch. Almost loving. That thought makes me pull away, sharply.

‘Ianto…’ I begin.

‘Don’t say anything. I’m sorry for what happened.’ He turns away from me, body slumped and defeated. ‘The records I found on that alien crystal just said that it halted the need for sleep.’ Ianto turned back, face earnest and filled with regret. ‘I… I didn’t want to have to sleep anymore. Too many nightmares. With it on, I no longer got tired. I could just… _be_. Obviously I didn’t know it would do that; create him.’ He comes closer, enough for his breath to tickle my nose. His voice is reduced to barely more than a whisper. ‘I remember everything he did. To you.’ The sight of him nibbling at his bottom lip, worriedly, reduced my insides to mush. ‘I remember everything you said to me. And what he said in return… and well I want you to know it was true. I am, and have always been, attracted to you. _Very_ much so, as I’m sure you know. It tore me apart for a while.’ His hand comes to rest on my cheek, tenderly. ‘I don’t hate you. The thing you killed, well, it wasn’t Lisa. I don’t blame you for that anymore. And that’s why I’m doing this.’

‘Doing what?’

He kisses me again, this time deeper. Gloriously so. My hand slides around his waist and comes to rest in the small of his back, and the other runs down through his hair and strokes his neck. His leg nudges between mine a little, sending sparks up and down my spine.

‘I took the liberty of telling Tosh you wanted her to take the day off,’ he informs me, mischievously. ‘She’s going home. I’ll fix the computer network since I’m the one who broke it. Well, later anyway.’

‘Later huh? Mind if I ask what you intend on doing before then?’

‘Well, I thought long and hard about this after you left my place this morning, and I came to the conclusion that I was not okay with you getting it on with my evil twin and not me. Seems something of a missed opportunity.’ He circles around me and takes a seat in my chair, hands curled over his stomach. ‘Besides, Ifan was right in a way. I am a shell of who I used to be these days. Before Torchwood, and before Lisa made an honest man out of me, I was a lot more like him. Not quite so crazy I hope, but still. I don’t like who I am anymore.’

He gives me a small smile and wins me over with it. I put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. ‘I do.’

That makes him chuckle. ‘I guessed that much. Actually, I was hoping to explore that theme a little, if you don’t mind. Of course I’m not saying this is anything more than a transitory attraction based on the fact that no one else in my life is showing any interest right now.’ He shrugs. ‘Fair warning.’

At least he’s honest. And it’s not as if I was expecting him to declare undying love for me. Maybe one day in the distant future, if a million other things that affect our day to day lives in this job don’t interfere, we could get to that stage. I could see that happening; in fact, I find the idea more appealing that I’d ever be prepared to admit out loud (learned my lesson there). For now I’m more than happy just to make a fresh start with him and see what happens.

‘I’d like to see where this takes us all the same.’

‘I’d like to take you down my manhole,’ I reply, huskily, and he looks a little shocked until I point to the manhole in the floor of my office leading down to my bed.

‘I was hoping that was a euphemism,’ he says and sounds exactly like Ifan for a moment.

‘Maybe it was.’ I pull him to his feet by his lapels. He stumbles easily into my arms and I kiss his wrist, then his neck and finally bruise his lips like I mean it. Like I _really_ mean it.

Ianto grows boneless in my arms and I lift him up completely.

‘Taking me down the shaft, Captain?’ he asks, wrapping his arms around my neck and giggling into my shoulder. I haven’t heard him sound this happy for a while. In fact I can’t remember the last time I heard him laugh. That’s something I know I’m going to have to rectify.

‘I hope _that_ was a euphemism. Or a really bad pick up line.’

‘It’s better than saying take me to your bed and screw me into the ground all day long.’ He waggles his eyebrows. ‘Then again…’

The grin I’m now stuck with is so big it almost hurts.

It makes him smile in return. ‘So, what are you waiting for? Are we going down or not?’

‘Yes, sir, right away, sir.’ I snap to attention and carry him for the three paces it takes to get to the manhole in the floor. Then he graciously pulls out of my arms and climbs down first.

I take a moment to savor the air, the day, all the perks of living and how sometimes things _do_ go right, despite all the contrary evidence we’ve been gathering of late. Then I follow him down and get to work putting that missing smile back on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> Back when this was first posted, some awesome fan did an audiobook version of this fic. I have no idea if that's still out there on the internet somewhere (I hope it is!)
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this and thanks for reading! If you did, comments are a surefire way to brighten my day. And if you don't have time for that, a Kudos only takes a second and is appreciated.
> 
> Got more time to read? I have more Jack/Ianto stories! From 2007:
> 
> Victorian Era Time Travel Love Story [24k, M] | [The Mirror in the Morgue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28897986)  
> Time Travel Angst [12k, M] [mpreg] | [A Ray, Turned Back](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899570/)  
> Dark AU Hurt/Comfort [12k, M] | [They're Still Killing Suzie](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898610)  
> Outsider POV Mystery [8k, M] | [Random Clocks](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28899876)  
> Mindbending Time Vortex Series [27k, G] | [The Aesop Fables Series](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900332/chapters/70901193)  
> Sad AU Love Story [16k, E] | [One Day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900824)  
> Light Porny Fun [6k, E] | [Symbiosis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28900989)  
> Collaboration Kid Series [75k, M] | [The Caerleon Series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140731)
> 
> And here are some new fics for 2021:
> 
> Ianto vs The Void [14k, T]: [The Pub on the Edge of Forever](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29588298)  
> Jack Gets a Happy Ending [2k, G]: [What will become of us now (at the end of time)?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29684646)  
> Eye Candy, Companion, Time Agent... Who is Ianto Jones? [48k, M]: [The Eight Lives of Ianto Jones](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871159)


End file.
